Just the many times when I've thought I've understood what discipleship meant or even have the guts to think that I'm a disciple of Jesus, I am brought back to my original state where I am forced to ask myself this question again: Am I a true disciple of Jesus?

If one asked me what discipleship meant, I could have thrown out passages after passages of  "theologically correct" answers based on my accumulated knowledge from Hanik, BTJ, cell word prep etc. However if I'm made to examine my life, I really wonder if I'm truly considered one.

True discipleship leads to a transformed life.

I feel like for the longest time, I'm fighting losing battles. I looked at myself and wished that I could be the light, the salt that my Father in Heaven would be pleased with. Yet it seems as though if I were a light, my light is dimly lit, flickering as the cold wind blows. If I were a salt, a salt that ironically has lost its saltiness. What good are disciples with transformed life in the kingdom of God? Except to be thrown away and trampled by the dogs.