Monday, January 24, 2011

Sometimes you really wonder where has hope gone.
And inside you yearn to be able to see just a glimmer of light.

But darkness engulfs you.
You scramble frantically around; turning your head to search for a way in every possible direction.
No way. No way. There's just no way.
You fall. You weep.
No helping hand offered. You're all alone.

Was that a shimmer you caught a glimpse of at a distance?
How could it be- among this darkness?
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Today had been a moody day. It seemed like a pain to get by although lessons ended really early. Somehow, there's this heavy feeling suppressing my chest area, making it really hard to have this light happy feeling that I used to have. School's been a real obstacle to get by, having not done well in my exams last year made me really nervous about the big As coming up. I seemed to have lost my mind, finding desperate means to understand a concept, brush up on my past topics etc.
My mind has been screaming. It was never once silent since school started. My heart pounds in trepidation; I hallucinate of what may occur. But what could be done to salvage the mess that I've made? Nothing. But only time and effort.

p.s~ sorry JY, dar and JE. I still owe you guys your birthday posts.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so headstrong and stubborn. I would then have been able to weep out the sorrow of my soul in the secret on my room.

6:23 AM



Monday, January 17, 2011

I finally visited some blogs today, having not touch my computer since the start of January? Well, I found out that I missed out on quite a lot of stuff. I've been pretty caught up with school work and such, been pressed to constantly revise to catch up on the old stuff. I almost cried trying again. But then, no. I told myself I won't crumble. Not yet, not now, not without a fight.

The past hurts were somehow dug up again, just when I thought they had passed over. It seems that this ugly scar will remain as long as the issue is not worked out. But nothing seemed to be within my capability of solving it. All roads seem to lead to a dead end, tunnels with no hint of light.

They say that blogs are true reflections of one's character and a portrayal of one's life. I never doubted this fact. It just puts me to shame that I hardly know what's going on in my friends' lives and remain helpless even as I read their fateful story in front of the cold hard screen.
Helpless Heartache.

But if any of you happen to be reading this right now, trust me. You're not weird nor lousy. In fact, you guys have been the greatest thing to happen in my life. I couldn't have asked for more. Every memory you've shared with me, every footstep you've printed in my life, I cherish them a lot. You may think you're worthless. But you're indeed priceless.

On a lighter note, Happy Belated Birthday Jia Yue and Yee Shan. This is really late I know, pardon me for not sending you guys messages on fb. I hope you can feel my sincerity through the sms sent.
Pictures another time :)

6:44 AM



Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Have you ever treated a stranger really nicely and felt good afterwards? Well I did.
On the way to Kelly's place today I met this Filipino lady who came up to me and asked for directions. And it happens so that she was going to Queenstown as well. So I decided to just asked her to follow me onto the train. Along the way, we were chatting really happily and it turned out that she was a tourist visiting Singapore and she pretty much wanted to go to ikea to try the salmon, but I recommended the meatballs instead.(Although I'm really a huge fan of meatballs, but isn't meatballs the specialty at ikea?) So I was telling her all about the places of interest to visit and such. Later on we alighted at Queenstown Mrt and she asked if I could spare some time to tell her more as she jotted things down. I agreed and we ended up sitting at the MRT platform talking and exchanging contacts. Just before we left the platform, I offered to bless her with prayer and she agreed. I was quite happy. And so I sent her to the bus stop and watched her leave on the bus. Grateful as she was, she gave me a hug while lightly pressing her cheeks against mine and waved enthusiastically as the bus drove off.

Love. Honour. Blessings.
Many times we only offer a half-hearted help so as to not appear rude. But how many of us have fully showed hospitality and courtesy to the foreigners in our country? Many times we complain that our citizens aren't gracious and will never be as polite as the Westerners in Europe, but how many of us have actually bothered to change and be the one to make a difference?
Today I felt great because I've shown that Singaporeans can be gracious as well. And I feel even better because I was given the opportunity to bless and be a light for Christ.

I know my time on Earth isn't long. I don't care if people wants to love me or not, but I'll still want to love them like how the Father in Heaven first loved. That love as it is, is unconditional, pure and kind. That even though those who may not know Christ can have His love showered upon them as well.
I know I'm like an empty cup, but the Lord fills me with blessings and love, that I may overflow and share this goodness with the other empty cups.

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11:17 AM



Sunday, January 2, 2011

From this year onwards, I'm going to stop bothering about my weight.
Yes. So what if I'm fat and ugly. I don't care. I want to be accepted for whom I am and how I look. If your friends are being your friends just because of your picture perfect looks/ body. Reconsider that bunch of friends. The same goes in choosing your spouse. Would you want your future spouse to marry you just because of your physical attractiveness? Definite no.<
Tens of thousands of girls go screaming over how their flabby thighs jiggle or over the extra 0.1 kg that shows up on the weighing scale. (yes I know I'm guilty of that too)
BUT NO LONGER WILL THOU FALL INTO THE DEVIL'S TRAP!

"If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, will he not much more clothe you of little faith? So do not worry , saying "what shall we eat?" or "what shall we drink?" or "what shall we wear?". For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6: 30 - 33

The creator of this Universe has created me. He has carefully pieced every single nucleotide in the correct sequence in my DNA that made up my genetic code. I'm a jewel in His eyes and I'm His child. Why should I be so caught up in how I look? I believe God wants me to learn this valuable lesson and He has sent people to affirm it. I want to tell all of you reading this that you're all jewels in God's eyes; Precious and beautiful. So don't give the devil a chance to tear down all the beautiful things that the creator has given you. Trust me, you reading this now- You're beautiful. :)


Happy Belated Birthday Sophy Tio!

I'm sorry, it was late I know. My bad. Sorry! You're birthday was yesterday. Yep you're finally 17 girl! One more year before you can go out to buy alcohol and watch those M18 shows (though you have already watched them. :O) Anyways, continue to JUST BE YOURSELF. You're like the most hip person I've ever met. Like seriously. Your dress sense can be out-of-this-world but yet somehow you can make it stylish :D So I want to say I love you so much Sophy! I'll treat you to some weird alcohol drink next year! :)
p.s~ sorry about the photo. It was the most glam individual shot I could find of you in my photo albums :P

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8:13 AM