light it up
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I don't know what to say about myself.
Lately I keep worrying about getting retained. Just last night I couldn't sleep till 4am because I kept thinking of all the consequences of getting retained. Tossing and turning about in bed, the images of me crying in school after promo results are released keeps replaying in my mind. All the sudden, I felt the sourish-bitter feeling I had when common test results are released. I'm really scared and because of that, I can't seem to focus when I'm studying. I panic whenever I meet an unfamilar concept. It's like a vicious cycle. I think I've been putting in quite some effort for econs, bio and chem; but I seem to have neglect Math a lot. I'm really afraid of that subject. Somehow, everytime I see a Math paper, I sense fear in my heart. But now, I'm starting to sense fear in the other subjects as well.
All the sudden, the road in front of me seem so blurry and hazy. I can't seem to find a source of light to give me hope in this pathway of uncertainty. I can't afford to be retained; I can't bear to see the disappointment in my parents face; I can't accept the humiliation to be retained.
Till I see the results, I don't think my heart can finally be at peace.
Yet, I fear the coming of that day.
Lately I keep worrying about getting retained. Just last night I couldn't sleep till 4am because I kept thinking of all the consequences of getting retained. Tossing and turning about in bed, the images of me crying in school after promo results are released keeps replaying in my mind. All the sudden, I felt the sourish-bitter feeling I had when common test results are released. I'm really scared and because of that, I can't seem to focus when I'm studying. I panic whenever I meet an unfamilar concept. It's like a vicious cycle. I think I've been putting in quite some effort for econs, bio and chem; but I seem to have neglect Math a lot. I'm really afraid of that subject. Somehow, everytime I see a Math paper, I sense fear in my heart. But now, I'm starting to sense fear in the other subjects as well.
All the sudden, the road in front of me seem so blurry and hazy. I can't seem to find a source of light to give me hope in this pathway of uncertainty. I can't afford to be retained; I can't bear to see the disappointment in my parents face; I can't accept the humiliation to be retained.
Till I see the results, I don't think my heart can finally be at peace.
Yet, I fear the coming of that day.
9:22 PM